It's been awhile

So much has happened since my last post, I don’t really know where to start. I’ve been thinking about this post for days, wondering what I would write, how I would start over with this blog thing. I’ve been contemplating why exactly it is that I keep a blog in the first place. Originally it was to keep in touch with family and friends in far away places. Sometimes it was a way to record the cute things my kids say and do.

I’m not really sure right now, what exactly it is I want from this blog. But I do know I want to be real. I want to remember everything. Not just the picture perfect, sweet moments, though there are plenty. I want to remember the not-so-great moments too. I want my kids to be able to read this one day, when they have their own little ones, and know that what they are going through is normal. I want them to know it’s okay to have days where you wish you could have an hour or two with nobody touching you. That at 15 weeks postpartum it’s okay that you still haven’t got the nap thing figured out yet. That sometimes it’s just fine to spend the whole day “surviving” and buy takeaway for dinner and let the washing pile up. It’s okay when you’re so tired you can’t keep your eyes open, to pop in a Disney movie and have a cat nap on the couch. I want them to know that there will be days where they blow it. Days when they yell and rage and then feel like the worst parent in the world. Days they will sit down and cry while cuddling a little one in their lap who will gently wipe away the tears.

So much time has passed. There have been good days and bad. I thought for awhile that I wasn’t coping well with mothering two small children. Looking in from the outside, it might look like I have it all together, but I really don’t. And you know what? That’s okay! Thankfully now, the good days are far outweighing the bad. We still have bad moments, but we cuddle and move on, praying to do better next time.

The sad thing is, in amongst all these moments that I initially wanted to forget, there were plenty of moments I wanted to remember too. Peachfuzz will never be newly 2 years old again. Mr. Dimples (formerly known as Little Man), will never be 3 months again. Things have been happening that I want to remember. Like the way Peachfuzz calls her latest favourite cereal “Bubble Rice”. The way she talks, sings to, cuddles and laughs with Mr. Dimples. The way she melts my heart when I’m in a bad mood and all out of the blue she says “I sorry mummy”. The way she grabs the back of my head and pulls me in close for a goodnight kiss. I want to remember how excited she gets when Daddy gets home from work every night. The joy she has in running barefoot through the backyard. The way she marvels over a snail, or an ant. I want to remember the first time I heard Mr. Dimples giggle, and how my heart soared at the sound. I want to remember that he was only 10 weeks old when he rolled over for the first time. The way he wakes up from a nap in the happiest mood, and gives me the biggest gummy smile when he sees me. That he laughs more when I say “hello” in a silly voice, than he does when I tickle him.

So where do I go from here? This blog may change on a daily basis. I will write whatever and whenever the inspiration takes me. I just want to remember the real me - the good, the bad and everything in between.